A Love That Changes Everything: The Transgender and Being the Church
The last two weeks or so I have been called a homophobe, a transphobe, a bigot, a religious zealot, and few other things that aren’t polite to print.
I’m not a combative person. I’m not a complainer. I’m a peacemaker and a solution seeker.
But above all, I am a daughter of the King and must stand firm in the truth. Above all, my obedience to the Lord and adherence to His truth is my priority. Above all, I know that although I am in this world, it is not my home. Therefore, I am not called to mirror its trends nor go along affirming or validating its many broken ways. I am an image bearer and I am called to be an ambassador for healing in a world filled with pain.
Two weeks ago, members at my health club (where I have been employed for the last ten years) reached out to me in despair. A man was in the women’s locker room. They complained to management and were told it was a transgender woman. The individual is an employee so is protected by federal laws to choose the locker room where she is most comfortable. I went to lead management–after more encounters with male anatomy in the women’s locker room were reported--and was met with the same dismissiveness: her protections were more valued, her comfort mattered more than the discomfort of the hundreds of paying biological female members, and her declared identity carried more weight than anatomical reality. In short, lead management’s stance: biological women need to stop being narrow-minded bigots. I prayed for direction. I prayed to the Lord to guide my next steps. As I prayed questions settled in my heart: How long will I allow the truth to be dismissed and silenced? How long will I allow the hurting and their enablers (both within and outside the church) to believe that affirmation and validation are love? How long will I allow the fear of worldly consequences–loss of employment and friendships, being called a sea of “isms” and pejorative labels intended to make me feel like a horrible, heartless person–to override my fear of the Lord and outweigh my call to be salt and light in the world? How long will I tolerate the world’s intolerance of God’s (and scientific) TRUTH?
I chose to stand firm in the truth and engage in this battle. I called out to the Lord to make a way, to battle on my behalf. I prayed to be humbled and remain obedient to God’s will. I prayed to not be led astray by my feelings or a personal agenda. I prayed to be a light for the light of the world and to be consumed by the Lord’s love. Two weeks into this battle and I am confident that I am following the Lord’s will. I know because despite unpleasant circumstances, difficult conversations, and hurtful name calling, I continue to be filled with peace. I continue to be strengthened against falling prey to anger or fear, but equipped to engage with gentleness, love, and patience to the best of my broken ability. I continue to pray that my actions and words in this battle reflect Jesus: who came for the lost, the broken, and the outcasts. The Jesus who came for me and you. The Jesus who came for the transgendered. The Jesus who preached to love others as He has loved. The Jesus who was unafraid to speak undiminished, unvarnished truth because He knew: the truth sets people free. The truth saves. The Jesus who spoke truth and met the broken where they were. The Jesus who ministered to their hurt, but did not affirm or validate their brokenness. No. His love healed and He called them to the path of Life. He bound up their wounds, broke their strongholds, and called the lost by a new name:
His children and heirs.
So with a desire to help others be bold in the face of pejorative name calling and fear of worldly consequences–enemy tools to silence truth–I will share my notes after each slur. Please know, I’ve prayed about this blog post as well. I don’t typically write about personal things, but Kingdom hope. Truly know this post comes from a humble desire to encourage and build up the body to stand firm in the truth and to be image bearers in their words and actions; to plant Kingdom seeds for the lost. I write this in the hope that those hurling these slurs, slanting the actual issue through their lens of pain, guilt or a worldly understanding of love, and for the many fueled by the lie that they are victims or less than in God’s eyes to see the other side with the same degree of tolerance and compassion they demand. I write this because my heart breaks as I watch the church conform to the world rather than knowing we are called to conform to Christ. No matter the cost.
To my notes (which I’ve cleaned up so they are coherent).
Homophobe. This one was interesting because I do not know the transgendered woman’s sexual preference. Never occurred to me to be concerned about her sexual preference. Initially, I worried the hurt I might cause my many dear homosexual friends and former business partner. Would they be heartsick at the idea that I have been deceiving them all these years. But, that worry was eased in recognition of the truth. I am not homophobic. My dear friends know that our love for each other is not diminished by our brokenness, rather it increases in the face of it. Our love is the fruit of building an intentional relationship with one another; not one rooted in the superficiality of our differences or our different opinions. Our desperate need for grace and forgiveness is equal. I continue to be more heartsick that many of my homosexual friends do not believe that Jesus pursues them as fervently as He pursued me. I am heartsick that the church doesn’t make the gay community feel welcome and that so many in their community have been “church hurt”. I pray they know that surrender of your old self isn’t easy for any one, but that mercy and comfort await all. I pray they know the seat next to me every Sunday is open so that they hear the truth: salvation cannot be earned; no one is worthy but all are invited. Salvation is the most beautiful undeserved gift from a righteous, loving, and good God.
Transphobe. Again, this label is tossed about despite the truth that the initial complaints were not about a transgender using the women’s locker room, but the belief that a man was in the locker room. So, when it was discovered that the individual identifies as a women does that negate concerns/feelings of discomfort about a penis in the women’s lockerroom (no one wants to have an honest conversation about this/more on this later)? I am not afraid of the transgendered. I am afraid for them. I am afraid that unresolved trauma (which I learned from the activist I reached out to in an effort to better understand–that the experience of abuse and sexual molestation is disproportionally high in this community) is manifesting itself as a desire to dismantle, destroy, and erase their God-given identity. I am afraid that their desire to be affirmed and validated blinds them to the truth that unresolved hurt that turns inward to self leads to a life consumed by bitterness and anger. I am afraid that if fear silences the truth or compels us to the easier road of affirmation or validation of their choices, we condemn them to a life of pain (mentally, emotionally, physically). Our silence and/or support is leading to a generation of surgically and hormonally mutilated adults; a generation who conflate love with affirmation and validation and who are now further lost in the pain of constant medical care from the complications of castrations, mastectomies, grave hormonal imbalance, and sexual disfunction. Again, I am not afraid of (nor do I hate) the transgendered, I fear for them. Altering our physical appearance never heals our inward hurts (this is a shared experience of human-ness). My deepest desire is to build relationships within this community. Relationships that are built on mutual respect so that trust develops and truth can be shared. Truth is the way to their healing and wholeness. Truth, spoken in love, ministers and has the power to demolish strongholds. I want my path to healing, wholeness, and freedom from my strongholds to be experienced by every human. I want every human to follow the path of life; to surrender all that they carry to the beauty, peace, and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone.
Bigot. This label is fascinating. Reminds me of a childhood chant: “ I’m rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.” I am not intolerant of LGBTQIA+ opinions or choices. In my conversations and research, the transgender and their supporters are, in fact, intolerant of any opinion that does not embrace total affirmation and validation of their opinions and choices. I am not intolerant of their lifestyle. I am simply intolerant of male anatomy being allowed in women’s locker rooms where young girls are a constant. Not because I believe the transgendered are predatory. I don’t allow my young daughters to watch movies with male nudity. That doesn’t make me a bigot nor someone who is accusing them of predatory intent; it makes me a mother who wants to protect her children’s innocence for as long as I am able. I am also intolerant, as an adult, of being exposed to male anatomy that is not my husband’s; it is not honoring to my marriage vows. The activist asked that I don’t conflate “anatomy with identity.” I am not conflating the two because the two are by scientific and Biblical definition ONE. The transgender activists with whom I spoke will tolerate nothing short of a world where anatomy and biology are disassociated from gender. However, anatomical and biological differences matter. They matter in a locker room (another discussion but they matter in athletic competition as well). If a person with female anatomy enters the women’s locker room I am not going to inquire about her biological gender because I am not afraid of transgendered people. I have no desire to bar them from the world nor put them in uncomfortable or unsafe situations. The world is complicated, but the truth is simple: if you have male anatomy, I do not care how you identify: your anatomy matters (and it is disingenuous for the transgender to say they don’t conflate anatomy and physical appearance with identity, if it doesn’t matter to them–if declared identity was the answer–then they would not be battling so desperately for hormonal and surgical intervention). I am not bigoted against the transgendered, nor are the vast majority of women who have complained against these policies. The simple issue: penises in a female locker room are not acceptable.
Religious zealot. I do not consider myself a religious person. Nor am I a fanatic. I am in a relationship with Jesus Christ. I do not hate, but I know that love without truth is NOT love. Conflating love with affirmation or validation is a ruinous path. However, I am not called to judge or condemn with the truth but to sit in the ashes with the broken because I am broken. I do not judge because I am not righteous. I do not cast stones because stones can and should be cast at me. However, I equally cannot forsake the truth to make those that I love (or myself) feel better. My house is built on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ. I believe He is who He says He is. I am called to love others as Jesus loved me:
Minister to the hurting to bind up their wounds with truth
Plant Kingdom seeds so all can experience the freedom that comes from surrendering to and choosing to follow Christ
My prayer for the transgendered, indeed for all that are hurting, is to know that Jesus Christ was sent for all of us. A life-affirming relationship with God waits. I know because God faithfully pursues what is His. I know that His mercy and comfort are available to all. And, every single person who chooses to surrender their life to the truth is set free from the penalty of their sin (not from sinning). I know because I am a sinner. Broken and in desperate need of God’s grace and forgiveness. My need for Jesus is no greater or less than any others. His grace is not just sufficient for my sin but for all sin. How do I know? Because at the age of forty, Jesus changed everything and made me new. I know because I experience a love like no other by faithfully and obediently following Christ.
So what is my label?
Jesus knows.
And He calls me by my true name:
A daughter of the King.
I choose to be in a relationship with Jesus Christ, not to live as a religious zealot who looks to their own righteousness and strength. I have nothing that He does not give. Jesus is the Lord and Savior of my life.
He is the way, the truth, and the life.
I choose to surrender all that I am–all that I did–for all that Jesus is and all that He did because in this world I remain in desperate need of His grace, forgiveness, and power. I choose to follow Jesus because He is my strength, my peace, my patience, and my armor in this fallen and broken world. I choose to be obedient to the truth because I am called to be an image bearer and a seed planter.
I pray for every person in this fallen world to recognize that Jesus is better than any lifestyle, any sin, and any fleeting worldly promise or desire. So, as I walk my path of sanctification to become more Christ-like, I do my broken best to stand firm in the truth, plant seeds, and to be a source of comfort and light to all that cross my path in this world.
I will–for as long as I am abled by the One–to do my broken best to know Jesus better so that my life makes Him known. I will trust. I will obey. I will be unafraid to proclaim the truth, to move when He says move.
My hope is that this individual and all others that believe they must carry the burdens of this world alone (or believe they are strong enough on their own) choose to run to the Cross. I pray they lay every burden and hurt down. I pray they surrender to their desperate need for Jesus and to the truth. I pray they become my brothers and sisters in Christ and know the seat next to me every Sunday is open.
Because Jesus is the source of true healing.
I believe His every word.
He is the Light in the darkness;
A love that refines and restores,
A love that changes everything.
Jesus is the only one who knows our true names.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33